my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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