Old men and throwing up are my life now.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
