Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
