11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
