he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
