is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
