How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
