too bad you live with your parents still
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
