Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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