you didnt know i had herpes?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
