I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
