It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
