I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
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