Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
