I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
