He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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