I skipped work to stalk him.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
