so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
