11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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