my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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