u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
