can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
