i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
