how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
