Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
