you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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