went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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