We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
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