Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
