I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
