We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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