: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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