Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
