If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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