At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Your cock deserves a montage
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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