that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
