I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
