I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
