my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
