the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
