the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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