Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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