Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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