I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
