There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
