just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
