i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
