He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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