checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
