they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Randomize
