Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
