Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Randomize
